About Heroes

Well well well, it's finally here folks. The day the Green Lanterns have been talking about since they learned to rhyme. Blackest Night! It's begun, and with quite a bang if you ask me. It practically screamed to be reviewed, so....here I am, reviewing it.

We start out with Black Hand digging up and immediately puking onto / making out with poor old Batman's skull, which, apparently turned it into a Black Ring Pez Dispenser.

But seriously, before going any further, let's just discuss this. Batman's been in the ground for a hot DC minute and already, some asshole's digging him up and using is noggin as the spitoon from hell. The only reason it's forgiveable is because it prompts Alfred to pull a classic Gob Bluth moment...

Honestly though, the reprecussions of using Bats' skull as the black ring dispenser are yet to be seen, but I just needed an excuse to throw those two images up next to each other. Moving on then...

All the super-people and a lot of the citizens out there are using the day of Superman's 'death' as a day of remembrance for those who have fallen in the line of super hero duty. A clever and fitting device to remind all the readers of those top tier few who've taken the heroic "save the universe" dirt nap, along with all the second, third, fourth, and fourteenth stringers that you may or may not heard of.

Meanwhile under the Hall of Justice, Barry and Hal are having the conversation that seems to have been going on for months now. "ZOMG HAL! I WUZ DED FER SO LONG. I FEEEL LYKE I MIZZED AWOT!!!" In non-retarded aboutheroe-writer words, that's Barry Allen woefully catching up with Hal on all the stuff he missed while he was spending quality time with the Speed Force. This issue, the focus of the conversation is....SURPRISE! PEOPLE WHO DIED!

No sooner has Geoff Johns thoroughly reminded us of all the stiffs laying around in the DCU, he flips the switch and starts the party with some horrific, somewhat hilarious guardian-on-guardian throat-ripping.

And there we have it. Creepy-Scar-Face Guardian forsakes her blue kin to be the official Guardian of the Black Lantern because...well she's bored. At least that's what I was led to believe In the latest issue of Green Lantern. Either way, we officially have a Black-Lantern bonanza on our hands. The black rings arrive to earth and resurrect everyone and all their mothers, it seems.

Before you know it, Black Lantern Ralph and Sue Dibny savagely kill and 'eat' Hawkgirl and Hawkman, and just when she was getting around to saying she loves him! I hate it when that happens. Black Mask comes up with some Black Lantern Pez (read: Rings) for the two new converts, and a-waaaaay we go! Issue #1 concludes with a bang.

So there we have it. DC's clever answer to Marvel Zombies has begun, and it looks like it's going to be an awesome ride. I wish I could grant more validity to this review by actually, y'know, REVIEWING it, but I'm incapable of doing anything but drooling over Geoff John's work. As far as I am concerned the man can do no wrong, and nothing's changed with this issue. Pick it up. Read it. Try not to do anything weird like rub your genitals on it (I just want my readers to be better than myself. I have standards....for you.) This is an awesome comic. It's a disservice to the artists to not at least mention that Ivan Reis and Oclair Albert did a fantastic job on art. I hope they keep it up, and in a timely manner. UNTIL NEXT TIME, CITIZENS!!!!

-Joshiebear